Cycle of abuse - Wikipedia
This is the phase that happens when most relationships are new or your wonderful last few days are a honeymoon phase in the abuse cycle. or, alternatively, ignoring the incident, this phase marks an prevent the survivor from leaving the relationship. The honeymoon phase—First, the abuser is ashamed of his behavior. over and over, and may help explain why victims stay in abusive relationships.
The first two phases describe themselves and the honeymoon phase occurs after the abuse and gives the abuser a chance to beg the victim's forgiveness or otherwise convince the victim to stay. Over time, the tension-building and honeymoon phases tends to shorten or disappear, leaving us to wonder why abusive relationships can last so long. This routine makes staying in an abusive relationship manageable; both victim and abuser come to accept this routine as normal.
The Routine Makes It Easier to Stay in Abusive Relationships | HealthyPlace
The Abuse Routine Over Time After enough cycles of violence and abuse come to pass, the tension-building phase becomes short or nonexistent. The victim sees the abuser as Dr. Hyde, quickly changing from one persona to the other.
As you can imagine, when the victim finds themselves living in a world where punishment occurs even if there is no crime, their feelings of anxiety and fear grow strong. At the same time, the stress of feeling constantly fearful consciously or not weakens the victim's mind and body and creates fertile ground for brainwashing Brainwashing: Simultaneously, the honeymoon phase shrinks to relative nothingness too.
With the victim weakened and apologizing for every problem in the relationship, the abuser no longer feels the need to make amends. Instead, the abuser uses the victim's weakened state to get on with the business of brainwashing.
Free to Live in the Routine of Domestic Abuse At this point in the abusive relationship, the routine officially begins. The abuser can now freely abuse without apology and does not experience much backlash from the victim. If the victim continues to fight the abuser, then their resulting threats to leave, call the police, take the children or something equally as relationship-ending, falls flat because the victim does not follow through on the threats.
Likewise, both partners know that if the victim pushes the issue at hand, it will result in the abuser hurting the victim's feelings or body. The abuser's stated or implied threat to hurt the victim is real, and both partners know that too. This is easy because the drama has only one end: Brainwashing allows the abuser to win pretend arguments too. It is a type of manic euphoria where life is perfect and they are the stars of the show.
The last thing the narcissist wants in this moment is to be confronted with their previously poor and abusive behavior. Any bursting of their mania bubble can incite an even more intensely abusive reaction. By contrast, the person on the receiving end of a narcissistic rage, the victim, is traumatized. The executive functioning of the brain is diminished so the body can take action. This is why most people have a hard time verbally responding during an attack. The problem is that it takes 36 to 72 hours after the last survival hormonal release for the body to fully reset.
Many victims feel like everything is foggy as they are still in a state of shock. Stop the honeymoon cycle.
Stopping the Honeymoon Phase of Narcissistic Abuse
She began to believe some of the lies he said about her. She devalued her worth becoming a shell of her former self. During his last abusive episode, her survival instincts did not kick in and as a result she silently and numbly absorbed the abuse and gave into his demands.
She hated who she became. Somewhere buried deep inside of Sam a spark of light reminded her that that the only way out of this dark place was to get out. So she used the last ounce of strength she had and left.
But leaving brought its own insecurities.
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At the encouragement of her counselor, Sam made a list of the terrible things her husband said and all of his abusive acts. The list was far longer than she realized. When she felt weak and was tempted to return to her abusive narcissist, she would review the list as a reminder of how he treated her. This helped to ground her. Sam also used the list to work through forgiving him, at her own pace, so his behavior would no longer control her future reactions.